IRS

> The IRS decides to audit Ralph, and summons him to the IRS office.
>
>
> The IRS auditor is not surprised when Ralph shows up with his attorney.
>
> The auditor says, ‘Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no
> full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money
> gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.’
>
> I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,’ says Ralph. ‘How about a
> demonstration?’
>
> The auditor thinks for a moment and said, ‘Okay. Go ahead.’
>
> Ralph says, ‘I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.’
>
> The auditor thinks a moment and says, ‘It’s a bet.’
>
> Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it.
>
> The auditor’s jaw drops.
>
> Ralph says, ‘Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my
> other eye.’
>
> Now the auditor can tell Ralph isn’t blind, so he takes the bet.
>
> Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
>
> The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand,
> with Ralph’s attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
>
> ‘Want to go double or nothing?’ Ralph asks ‘I’ll bet you six thousand
> dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that
> wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.’
>
> The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and
> decides there’s no way this guy could possibly manage that stunt, so
> he agrees again.
>
> Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he
> strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on
> the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor’s desk.
>
> The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major
> loss into a huge win. But Ralph’s attorney moans and puts his head in
> his hands.
>
> ‘Are you okay?’ the auditor asks.
>
> ‘Not really,’ says the attorney. ‘This morning, when Ralph told me
> he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand
> dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and
> that you’d be happy about it.